The kids and I dropped off Sophie this morning to have her spayed. Afterwards, I took them to Ihop for breakfast. I was kind of dreading the part where the waitress asks me, “What can I get for you?” Interestingly enough though, the kids all gave their orders and she quickly said, “Will that be all?” I know that seems silly but it’s always nice to avoid any awkward moments.
I’m really loving studying and meditating on Holy Spirit. It’s enthralling and exciting, all the vast dimensions of God. He’s never boring!
In the past year or so, I find myself becoming fearful. I catch myself fearful of wrecking, fearful of losing someone, fearful of finances. I know that its demonic and this morning, as I was chatting with the Lord about financial matters, I felt Him say, “Stop making it so hard, little one. Do you believe I can do the impossible?”
“Of course.”
“Then believe Me for the impossible.”
I'm reminded that it is one thing to believe God can do something. Believing Him TO do something is altogether different. It’s acting on what you know. It’s faith. And it’s counted as righteousness. I think that believing God is sometimes in and of itself an ongoing prayer.
Every time today that I falter and wonder… I hear those words. ‘Stop making it so hard….‘Then believe Me.’
It saddens me , that the creator of the world, the One Who formed me in my mother’s womb and knew me before the foundations of the earth, would even have to ask me to believe Him. It causes me to weep that He so desires that I would.
Truly, Lord, you astound me.
Isaiah 55:8-9
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."
Day 10
I can’t believe it’s been 10 days already. Almost halfway…I know that I can make it, not because of who I am but because of who He is.
I pray that sweet confidence will flow to other areas of my life.
The children are so sensitive and ask tons of questions about the fast. They will say things like, “Poor Mom” or they‘ll try to shield my eyes from food commercials. Sadly, I guess that self pity or maybe even self congratulating flesh in me is grateful for the acknowledgement. I tell them that I don’t have to do this but I’m desperate for the Lord and for His blessings. Adam responds,” I guess that makes it really fun, knowing you’re going to be blessed.”
“Yes,” I tell him and “You will be too.”
Phillip and I had a spat on the phone today. It actually began last night and erupted today. I felt robbed at first, because I want to focus on the Lord which is hard when you’re seeing red. All day, I was angry with the enemy for causing me to waste my day and for impeding my spiritual progress. It’s ludicrous, really, the silly anger I had. Tonight, however, I realize that the Lord allowed this as a refining. He reminds me to stop controlling and to keep trusting. When I complain, it’s as though He says “So what? What’s your point?” and then….
“ I’m still God.”
At the end of any day, that’s all that really matters.
Acts 3:19
Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.
Day 11
I listened to a teaching on judging this morning and it really hit home. I think the most profound word was how that Christians have been so notoriously judgmental. (She, Sarah Reese, even referenced the Saturday Night Live church chat “lady” that was a spoof on Christians)
The irony is that Christians are now judged for being so judgmental. (Judge not lest ye be judged) I realize that when we walk in judgment, we rob ourselves of the Father’s anointing.
Help me not to judge, Lord, but to walk in pure love.
There’s been a release of finances!! In Phillip’s job, there was money that was tied up in government red tape and one of the prayers in this fast has been that the checks would be cut. They are schedule to be on the 27th! Thank you, Lord!
Today I find myself daydreaming about food a lot. I’ve fantasize about Philly cheese steak subs, chips and salsa, fried chicken and even a big chef salad! I’ve noticed that my sense of smell has intensified. Smelling foods, seeing food on commercials and watching people eat is strangely therapeutic.
Thank You, God, for all that you are doing and have yet to do. Thank You for the honor of being Yours!!!
Matthew 7:2
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Day 12
Today was uneventful save the chauffeuring children.
I haven’t done much to feed the spirit.
Curiosity got the better of me and I had a morsel of alligator that Phillip brought back from Florida. It was quickly deemed unworthy. Also, I licked a cheese Dorito today. My flesh is very weak. But He is God.
Matthew 26:41
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak
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