Day 4
Today I took the kids to home school day at the local skating rink. I have a lot more energy and feel joyful again!
At the rink, I was chatting with a fellow homeschooler about adoption. She is pursuing adoption and has spent countless hours educating herself and making contacts. Anyway, she sparked the passion again and as I’m talking with her, I’m all to aware that this is part of the reason I’m fasting. Phillip made some calls today to get the ball rolling again and I emailed our social worker…
Lord, open doors no man can shut and shut doors no man can open! I confess, Lord, that I have become too comfortable in life, complacent and even lazy. I repent and turn from that and choose instead to embrace all that You have planned for us!
Tonight I sat at the table with the family and drank a cup of chicken broth. It was so tasty and even satisfying. Its funny how eating together is such a powerful intimate thing. Nourishment in and of itself is beautiful on so many levels. And tonight Lord, I draw strength and nourishment from You the Living God. Come to me in dreams, Father and do that thing in my heart that only You can do.
Ezra 8:23 23 So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and he answered our prayer.
Day 5
Today I’m famished! I don’t complain or mention it but Phillip always apologizes and shows me great compassion every time he fixes a plate of food. I’m thankful but I remind him that I’ve chosen to do this and that I can leave this place any time I want.
I contacted 3 different adoption outlets today. There are 2 siblings from South Dakota that we are all totally squeezing on. (( : Please, Lord Jesus if it be your will… The girl is 4 and the boy is 2. My friend reminds me today that years ago I told her that I felt that the Lord said that we would adopt a 2 year old boy one day. I remember that but don’t remember it being something that I know that I know that I know He said. I’m not so positive that I heard that promise right that I’m willing to use it as a measure to narrow down options but definitely hope that it will be a confirmation!
I took Adam to the Doctor today for strep throat and inquired about the charge for physicals including TB tests. She asked why and when I told her about the adoption plan she said she would do them free of charge! High five, Lord and a big thank you hug!
One of the things I love most about walking with the Lord, is feeling that expectant joy bubble up in the inner most part of me for no apparent reason except the presence of Holy Spirit. The scripture, 1 Peter 1:8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, comes to life. Inexpressible. That sums it up. I wonder, what did joy feel like when I was a nonbeliever and what brought me joy? I do remember that whatever it was that brought me joy, the joy was never inexpressible.
The Lord has been speaking to me much about judging and controlling my tongue. I find myself judging other Christians FOR judging other Christians and I even judge when I don’t realize I’m doing it. The Lord speaks truth and says, “you are ALL very imperfect.”And I immediately know that is why we are so in need of our Savior. In the last couple of years I have abandoned my passion to be transformed into His likeness.
I choose to behold You, Lord, that I might become more like You.
2 Corinthians 3:18
And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
Day 6
I can’t believe it’s day 6! Time sure does go fast. - ha ha
Today has not been a good day. There’s been lots of frustration at every turn. I’m very emotional today so everything was amplified. I remind myself that it is all part of the process.
I had a cup of chicken broth for the second time today and drank two tablespoons of juice from leftover corn. Weird, I know, but it was really good! Writing that I wonder now if it was my tendency to emotionally eat that propelled my hunger further. Uncover more of that , Lord.
I’ve been drinking tons of water and the more I drink, the more I want. I hope that habit will stick.
Adam was even sicker today. He threw up multiple times and even threw up blood. We are switching the antibiotics in case it is a reaction and hope that he will be completely well soon. A while ago he told me that he felt so much better and that he felt like he had fought a battle and won. I wholeheartedly agreed.
This morning while driving Eden to rehearsals, I listened to spontaneous worship and was overwhelmed by His goodness and the endless scope of His love. Teach me pure love, Lord.
Looking forward to going to bed.
Psalm 66:10
For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver.
Day 7
Tonight I went to a class on the Holy Spirit led by our pastor. Phillip was supposed to go too but we realized that we had to pick Eden up at the same time the class started. We will hopefully take turns going and use a tape recorder for each other.
Our church is doing a Daniel fast. I chose not to do that this year because last year I was so fixated on what I could eat that it ended up feeling more like a diet to me. At any rate, bellies were growling on either side of me and it was comforting knowing that others were suffering in the quest.
My stomach has been really upset today. I think again, it is part of the process. On the up side, I’ve been sleeping soundly, my complexion is looking better and my stomach is much flatter. I considered replacing the battery in our scale before the fast. Ultimately, I decided it was best to not make it about that although dropping a few pounds is an undeniable bonus!
The scripture, about not grieving the Holy Spirit keeps popping up and I feel that He is going to unpack that on a personal level… Open to whatever You have Lord, even if it is ugly.
Ephesians 4:30
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Day 8
Delved deeper into the person of the Holy Spirit last night. Excited for more revelation tonight.
I had a lot more energy today. I shampooed the carpet, washed and folded clothes, cleaned the kitchen and cleaned out the fridge. Today Phillip left for Florida for 3 days and tonight the kids and I went bowling with friends.
My shoulder from the fall off the horse is getting a little better. It still bothers me but is not waking me up as much at night. Thank you, Lord!
Proverbs 4:20-22
My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh.
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