Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Fine Line Between Faith and Denial..or Not

In my walk with the Lord over the years, when faced with difficult circumstances, I have had to stop and ask myself, 'how do I know if this position I'm taking is one of faith or one of denial?'

Is there a fine line between faith and denial? If so, how do you know where to tread? The answer to this question, for me, has been 7 years in the making.

Recently, I received the news from a somber, resolved doctor that my Dad was in dire shape and in short, the only sensible thing to do was take him off life support. My distraught sister, Sandra and I embraced and all I could do was sob over and over, "That's not true. That's not true." Through his 4+ week battle his heart has stopped 3 times. With the second arrest, my Mom called to say that the nurse had told her he was not going to pull through. "I don't believe that", was my response and the whole hour's drive to the hospital, though crying uncontrollably, I maintained in my heart, "he's going to be okay. "
When people have looked shell shocked after seeing him for the first time in such a debilitated state of tubes and sedatives, I have said, "I know it looks bad right now but he's going to be okay" and I've ignored their looks of pity at my naivety.

Hearing details of his condition throughout this whole ordeal, I've been forced to ask myself, am I declaring what I know deep down to be true? Am I really choosing faith or am I cocooning myself in a blanket of disbelief so as to protect the heart from the inevitable break?
After much contemplation, I feel that The Lord has revealed that
faith IS denial.
It is the denial of all things that are not from our good and merciful God. It is a nonacceptance of what the evil one intends; to kill, steal and destroy.

What I have learned is that when these times come, these times that seek to exalt themselves against the knowledge of God; the best thing to do is to fight the good fight of faith, to take hold of and stand on the deny, deny, deny ANY and everything that does not line up with the word and will of God.

Of course death and disappointment will eventually come to us all and no amount of denying will detour that. I suppose that's where the serenity prayer comes into play:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
Philippians 4:8 says
Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

This bout with my Dad has been one of the most painful things I've ever endured. The fact that he is alive and still fighting right now is a total miracle. I've been reminded that HIS grace is sufficient and that regardless of what I know or don't know about the Lord, all HIS promises are yes and Amen.

Yes and Amen.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, November 21, 2011


Sometimes the Lord closes in on us
and beckons us to simply
To stop analyzing
and trying to predict,
To recognize this as delusion
Since His Ways are so much higher than ours.
He quickens that such tormenting presumptions 
Refute the meaning of

Sometimes when a clouded fog of rationale and details 
tip-toe into our collective consciousness,
when faith is tucked under a few layers of anxiety 
and we've played out far too many scenarios on the turntable,
It takes more effort to trust.
It takes standing on the Word. 
The immovable, unshakable Word which
 stills us. 
 and steels us.
 And steals us 
From the clutches of the one who seeks to destroy us. 

And sometimes the Lord closes in.... 
And we welcome Him because He is the truth 
that was hidden in our heart. 
He is the sigh of relief 
that reminds us that what we are clinging to, 
what we are hoping real; 
not only real but more real than any trial we're facing.
The trial will pass away 
but He will remain eternally. 
Grappling with details 
Suddenly takes it's rightful place on the spectrum
And the big picture brings into focus our teary blur. 
We can inhale and release that load of nothingness 
We've harnessed ourselves to 
Like it commands our eternity. 
He closes in, ever our redeemer
and reminds us 
That all we have to do is


Friday, September 23, 2011

Adam Turned 11

For Adam's Birthday,

We went to Boone. His Dune Buggie is there. My Dad is having someone do some minor repairs so getting for Adam to get to ride his buggie all over the mountain was a gift in itself!
Dad suggested we call it Boone Buggie.

Not sure where the Mork sign came from...

My Dad started a tradition when my brother and I were small. All the kids get a gift
on each child's birthday. It's nonsense but the kids love it. They all got fishing poles from Papaw.
He chose key lime pie for his birthday cake.

Birthday Spankings...

Eden is 5'2 now....


The Lake with the Tull's

 we spent a week at the Lake... the pictures speak for themselves!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Wedding Reception

The reception was a blast! It was held at a local hotel and Vance and Nadia spared no expense!

3 of these are my brothers! Guess which...

the 2 of the right and the one in the blue is my oldest brother.

My sweet Daddy on the right.

Thanks to Wii, Just Dance, the girls had identical moves even though they rarely see each other.

Bro Took the Plunge

My brother finally got married at 40 years old! The wedding was lovely and it took place on the peak in Boone in the exact same spot that Phillip and I said, "I do's" 12 years earlier.

                                                             Olivia was ring bearer.

Vance and Christian, Father of the Bride.

Eden and Sweet Savana (one of the sweetest kids I've ever met and not just because she's my niece!) were flower girls.
Vance and Mom <3

You can't tell here but Vance is on the verge of Mom was addressing the crowd with a few sentiments.
                                           Symbolism...where the minister wrapped their hands with a ribbon and my   
                                           husband took the opportunity to shout out, "talk aboout tying the knot."

Adam was responsible for handing out programs.

Be happy, sweet Bro.

My photo
We are a family of 5 and entering our 4th year of homeschooling. DD, Eden is 9, DS,Adam, is 8 and DD,Olivia is 5. We have numerous pets that we love dearly.